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Darin Fox's avatar

The idea of making the right answer easier to reach really resonates with me due to the discussions I have with the experts I coach.

Another thing that often comes up with those subject matter experts, is the need to understand why the other person they need to influence isn't already reaching what seems to us to be the obvious answer.

Experts often respond to resistance by adding more evidence, analysis, and data. They sometimes think that doing an even deeper dive into the rabbit hole will provide the common-sense evidence other people need to change their mind.

But the reason people don't change may have very little to do with whether they understand the evidence. We may like to think we are rational decision makers, but we often unconsciously weigh our emotional decision criteria more heavily than the rational.

What commitment have they already made? What happens to them if they agree with me? What competing incentive are they responding to? What are they worried about losing? What history am I unaware of?

Seeking to understand what is below the surface is critical to people feeling like they have been genuinely heard and understood. If they feel heard, they are more likely to shift their position.

I've found that “How can I explain this better?” is often a less useful question than “What haven't I understood about why this is difficult for them to agree with me?"

Influence with authority starts looking quite different once the expert becomes genuinely curious about the other person's position rather than simply trying to overcome it.

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